Hi! It has been SO long since I blogged! Sorry! I really didn’t mean to be away so long. I do have a few excuses….
It started in March… I sprained my ankle REALLY bad while cross-country skiing with my family. That was an emotional blow for some reason & that knocked me into a deep depression. I sat on the couch for a month too depressed to do anything & when I started to think about ways to die, I made an appointment with a doctor. While doctoring for that depression my doctors & I came to the conclusion that I have Bipolar II. I was relieved to start on some medicine to help but scared of what Bipolar would mean for me & my family. Then I realized I have been dealing with it all along, I just didn’t realize it wasn’t normal. Getting on some meds would probably only help and make family life better. After finding the right medication & the right dose, I am back to my normal-but-better-balanced self. I am much more even-tempered, less moody, and my anxiety is usually WAY better. The most wonderful thing is that my medicine allows me to sleep normally for the first time, maybe ever!
(Bipolar disorder is simply a type of mood disorder that cycles between periods of depression and periods of hypomania or mania (elevated mood). Moods are both high & low, people with Bipolar disorder are more of a danger to themselves than to anyone else & with the right medication moods can be controlled. The II of Bipolar II means that I have the form with less severe manic periods, Bipolar I has more severe manic phases where people do more outlandish things like go on major spending sprees. However, people with Bipolar II are at a higher risk of committing suicide (30% I read somewhere!) so it is still very serious & very scary.)
I haven’t talked about my diagnosis with very many people because people don’t understand what it means. There is a horrible stigma. People imagine a very chaotic and messed up life when they think of Bipolar disorder and that is not my reality, so I haven’t brought it up to very many people. No one would guess I have a problem because it normally doesn’t affect my life in ways people on the outside see.
My main problems are/were:
1) periods of depression: varying from feeling down, to feeling like death would bring sweet release if it just didn’t take so much energy to make happen (scary but it’s the truth.)
2) periods of hypomania: where my brain won’t stop & I start too many projects & plan too many things & I can’t stop talking & I might as well stay up till 3 AM because I just want to get my project done!
3) anxiety: panic attacks preventing me from doing the things I want to do, like going to church, or grocery shopping or even hanging out with my friends.
4) insomnia: all of these symptoms were preventing me from sleeping so I was having trouble falling asleep and waking up a million times a night if I did fall asleep.
By Fall I was thinking clearly again so I decided to go back to college! Fall semester I took a full load of 16 credits and got straight A’s! Yay me! But it was tons of work and a crazy schedule so there was no chance for me to do ANYTHING crafty, bloggy, or fun…
During my Christmas break I was able to do a little crafting & made a bunch of drawstring pouches, a couple zipper pouches & knit a bunch of dish cloths. Sorry I don’t have pictures of everything.
Leftover dish cloths
I head back to school on Monday with another full load of 15 credits so I will probably not be around here all that much until summer, but I am so looking forward to summer & crafting & blogging a little more! I have a couple of quilts I want to finish by springtime & a bunch of other random sewing I want to do. I have decided to keep my project list short and give myself few deadlines so I don’t stress over my lack of progress on my crafts.
Quilt tops to work on…
I’m hoping to turn the stack below into a beautiful something for my oldest niece who is graduating from high school this spring!
I hope you have a wonderful day and get lots of crafting done this winter!